I listen to a lot of different podcasts. (Perhaps I’ll do a post about them all in the future.) One of them, and the one pertinent to this post, is Polyamory Weekly.
The host of this podcast, a woman who goes by the name Cunning Minx, repeatedly suggests people create a user manual for themselves. This is details about who you are, what you want in a relationship, and how to have a successful relationship with you. It reminds me of the two questions asked over and over by the Vorlons and the Shadows in Babylon 5: “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” Two questions that are so deceptively simple yet so difficult to answer.
I’m starting to write my own. I’m not sure yet when to show this to a future partner when we start or after a while. Maybe I’ll do a condensed version as a Starter Guide for the beginning. With all my quirks, especially the autism, it might be helpful for someone not familiar with how to interact with someone who almost never fits in to the normal interactions of society.
So far, my planned sections include: my personal history; religious standings; Asperger’s and how that affects my interactions; my food restrictions and limitations; what I want emotionally and physically from a relationship. Of course, each of these will be broken down. It will be tough finding a balance between too little and excessive context and explanation. I need to leave something for conversation and discovery, yes?
My main reservation is, couldn’t I be handing this person a how-to guide on how to manipulate me? As straightforward as I am, this hasn’t seemed to have been a problem in the past with people figuring out how to do it, though. And maybe I’m being too cynical.
All told, I’m excited about this project. I think such things, taken seriously, could help people move forward faster and get to where and what they want to be in a more efficient manner.