autism – JAR of Geek

My Own User Manual

I listen to a lot of different podcasts. (Perhaps I’ll do a post about them all in the future.) One of them, and the one pertinent to this post, is Polyamory Weekly.

The host of this podcast, a woman who goes by the name Cunning Minx, repeatedly suggests people create a user manual for themselves. This is details about who you are, what you want in a relationship, and how to have a successful relationship with you. It reminds me of the two questions asked over and over by the Vorlons and the Shadows in Babylon 5: “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” Two questions that are so deceptively simple yet so difficult to answer.

I’m starting to write my own. I’m not sure yet when to show this to a future partner when we start or after a while. Maybe I’ll do a condensed version as a Starter Guide for the beginning. With all my quirks, especially the autism, it might be helpful for someone not familiar with how to interact with someone who almost never fits in to the normal interactions of society.

So far, my planned sections include: my personal history; religious standings; Asperger’s and how that affects my interactions; my food restrictions and limitations; what I want emotionally and physically from a relationship. Of course, each of these will be broken down. It will be tough finding a balance between too little and excessive context and explanation. I need to leave something for conversation and discovery, yes?

My main reservation is, couldn’t I be handing this person a how-to guide on how to manipulate me? As straightforward as I am, this hasn’t seemed to have been a problem in the past with people figuring out how to do it, though. And maybe I’m being too cynical.

All told, I’m excited about this project. I think such things, taken seriously, could help people move forward faster and get to where and what they want to be in a more efficient manner.

Filler

There are a lot of things I’ve learned this past week. Most of which are lessons I have to learn again and again.

Two of these involved communicating with people. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way. One of the people accepted my apology; the other didn’t. This is, of course, a known issue for me. I often don’t realize how things I say will be interpreted until too late.

I probably need to start editing my every communication, or at least triple think it. Maybe I could create a character in my mind to review these things when I don’t have a friend handy.

Another involves time management. I’ve run out of so much time by procrastinating too much. It’s hard to keep a grip on my attention sometimes. There’s things that need to get to done for my second job. And I really need to get back to writing my novels and this blog. The fact I’m posting something Monday evening instead of over the weekend like planned is a great indication. Of course I did have to go to Dallas Saturday night for a job, which also threw off my days and sleeping.

Anyway, I just wanted to post something here to keep in the habit of writing sort of regularly.

An Odd Hero

I had a friend over yesterday, and I got to tell a cool story again. This got me thinking about autistic characters in fiction and how well they are portrayed, but that’s getting a little ahead of myself.

This friend asked about some of the framed pictures I have on my wall that are signed prints of different actors and a writer. The one in question is of Mary Lynn Rajskub.

Why is this comedian and actor so important? Because of her character Chloe O’Brian on 24.

(A side note: I intend to include 24 in my planned feature of per-episode review and commentary on a rewatch. I just don’t know if I want to start with that one or not.)

Why then would a fictional character be important to me? Because Chloe is one of the few characters I could really identify with. Even though it was never official that Chloe was on the autism spectrum, she had many of the same problems relating to people that I have, a similar intelligence, a similar sense of humor, and a similar fierce loyalty to those she considers friends. I could never be Jack Bauer, but I could be Chloe. The character also gave me hope for myself to see someone with Asperger-like personality traits to be portrayed positively instead of for laughs like on a certain popular sit-com. Chloe was successful in her professional life, becoming a valued coworker and an even more valued friend to a select few. She also became successful in her personal life. After a couple of tries, she finds someone who can understand and accept her as she is. In my personal life, I’m still waiting on the second part of that.

A few months ago, I took a special trip down to Austin to go see Mary Lynn in person on her comedy tour. While there, I got to meet her briefly and tell her what Chloe means to me and thank her for creating that character. She seemed to appreciate it. She said that she had heard from many people about if Chloe was autistic, or more specifically Asperger’s; but she had never heard that from someone on the spectrum himself.

It’s a memory I hope doesn’t soon fade.

This is when I met Mary Lynn Rajskub in Austin.

Autism Acceptance

What could I make my first post about? How about one of the most important things to me this month: my autism.

For April, groups like the Autism Self Advocacy Network are sponsoring Autism Acceptance Month. This is important to help people understand that autism is more than just a childhood thing; adults have autism, too. We don’t grow out of it.

What does an autistic adult look like? Pretty much like everyone else. We just think a little differently and have trouble in social situations. But we can still be productive members of society, as long as people make small allowances for some odd quirks from time to time.

I had a little trouble with this when I went to my current job over a year ago. However, after some of this trouble, I decided I had to let my supervisor and the HR manager know about the diagnosis. Since then, we’ve worked together to help me fit more in. And now, a year in, they are both quite impressed with my progress.

Now, why then Autism Acceptance Month and not Autism Awareness Month? Aren’t all the autism things supposed to be blue? Well, that’s only if you want to support Autism Speaks. (I’m not even going to link to them like I normally will do with any organization I mention.) This is an organization that believes that autism is a terrible disease that is horror for families and needs to be prevented and cured. Frak you! I don’t want to be cured, and I don’t need to be cured. Some of the more extreme cases of people almost totally withdrawn into themselves need some therapy help, but mostly we need to be understood and accepted as people like everyone else.